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Health & Fitness

Baggage or Defensive Moves? Dating Over 40 Has Both

By: Kenneth Stepp

Baggage. If you are over forty, single, and been on at least one date. You have experienced it. Either you have it, or you see it. Chances are, like myself. It’s both. I have way more than I thought I did. I have been on a self discover tour. I believe this is something everyone should accomplish. Let me warn you before you do. Understand you will see things about yourself that are ugly, childish, silly, and illogical. At least, this has been what happened in my case. Know that, if you are open minded and honest, it will be painful.

I met a girl. There, I said it. We talked online for many months. One day, after not speaking with her for months. I sent her an email. We agreed to meet. And meet we did. It was an amazing first date. We had an electrical connection. I mean deep. I felt things so intense, that I knew this was beyond special. If there was love at first sight, this was it. To say the least. I was stunned. I remember telling her later that night. I will be different in the morning. I process everything to death. Our conversation that night was incredible. I didn’t know I could feel like this again. It was scary, yet addicting and full of immense emotional feelings.

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To my surprise, I woke up wiser, more logical, and had thought things through. I still felt the same. This surprised me more than anything. I couldn’t wait to get her on the phone, see her again, grow this crazy relationship at warp speed. I was scared. But smitten. What happened next was unexpected. She called me. And began asking questions. This is where it gets dicey. This is where she and I began seeing things very differently. To me, she asked questions in an accusatory manner. Which made these intense feelings I had for her to start crumbling. To her, these questions were just questions potential lovers ask one another. I wasn’t hearing her the way she was speaking.

So what really happened? Well. Looking at it with an unbiased eye. We both allowed our baggage to tank what may have been the best relationship of both of our lives. At least, this is my opinion. She has been single long enough to get “played” by a fast talking fraud. I have been single long enough to get accused of being one. What does this mean? I’m not sure. Does it mean that I’m not ready? She isn’t ready? Or something else? I honestly do not know. I’d give anything to understand all this. For me. Girls like her are scarce. Elusive at best. Up until I was face to face with her. I had only met one other. And that was my rebound relationship. This one was so different.

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I have been working on ME for a while now. Am I a better person because of it? No idea. Am I ready for forever? Again, no idea. I do know that meeting another that brings this out in me is mathematically unlikely. You always wonder what goes on in their minds too. But, some things will remain mysteries. I doubt if I could read minds I would know much more. I know if this girl could read mine. She would know little about what happened to us. Mainly because I have no clue myself. We both allowed baggage that cancelled out all of our potential. The  thought of this happening again is awful. Quality is hard to find in a quantity arena. Not that all aren’t quality. Everyone is in their own way. Quality that fit my heart is all I am talking about. Few do. Losing one that might have is a loss. “My bad”. Sometimes that just isn’t enough.

k@kstepp.com
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