Is Dating After 40 Really Dating?

By: Kenneth Stepp

My answer to this question is like so many of my answers before. “It depends”. Dating as I remember it doesn’t exist. Now, it’s a sprint, not a jog. If I meet a girl online in the next hour, we share a few emails, exchange numbers, agree to meet for lunch tomorrow, then……. In the middle of the meal, or there abouts, comes the talk. Sex. She doesn’t believe in “hooking up”, but we have this perfect connection. Really? It hasn’t made me feel special so far.

I remember when a guys goal was to get a girl to make out, maybe even second base. Now, I find myself removing hands from my privates and saying. I’m not ready yet! Sure makes me feel unmanly. But, I am determined not to turn into simply manmeat. This is the only course of action to take. Of course, not dating at all, because I’m burned out, is an option. Finding a balance of sorts, is elusive.

Then there is the lightening commitment syndrome, or LCS. We exchange a few pleasant emails, maybe a call or two, meet in a public place for an hour or two. Text one another afterwards that we had a great time. Then it begins. “Checking in” every hour or so. Them getting twisted if I don’t return an email or text soon enough. When this starts. I’m looking for an exit. I work from home, seven days per week. There have been times when a girl got angry on their day off. Because I can’t drop everything to answer her call. I have had the conversation with more than on. Working from home, it is still WORK.

Dating is a relative term. The idea of dinner and a movie is so 1980’s. For me, the perfect date is during the daylight. “Exploring” is what I call it. What this entails is meeting in a small town near her. An historic town preferably. Then, exploring. I make friends everywhere I go. Yesterday the hostess at a restaurant had this glow about her. I struck up a conversation with her. Her name is Alice.  She is from Guyana, South America. An amazing girl. She moved to the US in 1991, to Atlanta eight years ago. Before I left, she prayed a prayer of protection over me. Now that is great service.

I define exploring as, seeing things I haven’t seen, and meeting people I haven’t met. Obviously, there are many degrees of exploring. I suppose I have a “new experiences” addiction. For which, there is no rehab program that I am aware of. The other day I was given a tour of UGA, in Athens, Ga. It is a beautiful campus, full of historical beauty. My eye however alit on an oddly shaped door. Probably part of the original 1890’s construction of the building. I snapped a picture, we discussed why I liked it so much. It really was a good day. Plus, I had someone that would talk about a door with me.

I remember the first day I joined an online dating site. I began looking around. Wow! All of these girls are available. Maybe one of them will be my “forever”. I suppose she could be out there. Online looking for someone like me. But digging through the damaged hearts to find the perfect girl to be my partner in crime is a career in and of itself. Then finding one that can accept such a free spirit as I. That will be the barrier. I am flawed, a complete mess at times. Plus, I still see the world with childlike wonder. I’ve had more than one call me on it. “You looked like a ten year old when you saw that”. Not the first time. When I see a 150 year old structure, with intricate wood or masonry work. My eyes widen. Maybe men really never grow up. Yet another issue.

k@kstepp.com