Love? Different Speeds, Same Destination?

By: Kenneth Stepp.

Speeds. Something we all experience in the dating over 40 area.You see, two people are never in the same place at the same time. It is mathematically impossible. One might have been single for years, the other for months, or even weeks. Both with their own unique experiences. One may still be healing from a recent hurt. The other may be in a better place. So, they may be going to the same destination. But they will arrive at different times and on much different paths. Does this always work? Almost never.

One is sure they are “in love”, the other is still stumbling around the dark almost jelous of the intense feelings the other has. Trust me, they want them too. They are simply incapable of moving so quickly. One expresses their love by not only showing it, but verbally. “I love you”. Powerful words that evoke powerful emotions in all of us. For the one saying these words, it feels great to finally be in a place with someone to say and feel them. To the other. Something much different is happening. You see, the last time a person said those words, they believed them completely. Now, that pain is remembered. And these beautiful words evoke “PAUSE”. No doubt, they want to get there. But the mere thought that another person is saying, I love you, is a roadblock. A barrier. Different speeds. One fast and one slow.

What happens next is anyone’s guess. The one that believes they are in love is distraught because they feel their love is unrequited. The other may sense something bad is going to happen very soon. Of course because of both things going through their minds at the same time. It’s most likely a crash and burn situation. After the crash, they both feel they dodged a bullet. One settles in that the pne with pause was just playing games. The other believes deep down that they dodged someone with “issues” that would have hurt them down the road. They may never reflect back to wonder if they missed their soulmate. Their, forever. It’s a sad game. A tough one too. I try myself to find answers to these deep questions. I just find more questions when I do.

There are so many reasons that girls and guys want to “get together”. At this age, I believe there are far more than in your twenties. Life is more complex. Many of the girls still have kids at home. The guys usually left the marital assets and are rebuilding. She likes having someone to do something with, a guy to help her with life in general. He wants someone stable. Someone that will add to his life is many ways. They both want intimacy. Both want conversation. Me. I am just looking for my partner in crime. I am, by nature, an exploere. Why else am I 135 miles from home on Easter Sunday, at a place called Uncorked, sitting on a balcony in the sun, writing? I already have a good life, by most standards. I work for myself. I get paid to do what I love. If I have my laptop, I’m at work. Maybe play too. My life rocks. Yet something vital is still missing. Maybe not “Her”, or “Forever”. But the knowledge that I have found her. I have the same boundaries and walls I spoke of. Newly single, hurt badly, and when I hear “I love you”. I am immediately frozen. I had no idea of the phenomenon. I’m just now wrapping my head around it. I receive so many emails from people about my favorite subject, Love. They read my articles and miss the point that instead of being a guru, I’m lost. I am a babe in the woods myself. When I have strong feelings, I want to bolt. I’m looking for an exit. I hate being this way. I know from interviewing so many that I am not alone. There are many damaged people just trying to figure it all out. I guess that’s a good description of all of us. One dented soul to another. Be safe. Trust all you are able. And, never give up.