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Health & Fitness

Love. From Fantasies to Just Fantasy

By: Kenneth Stepp 

Everyone has fantasies. Except those that claim they do not. And, the are lying. So, yes, everyone has them. Some have many facets, some are focused on one thing at a time. Common fantasies are sexual, or even worldly in pursuits. They can be about winning the lottery, a new car, a home, having the ability to sing. Even my personal favorite. To be able to fly. I think I’d be good at that. At least, I have been in the past. I even looked good in the cape. 

Like everyone else. I have had an active fantasy life. Many fantasies have ran through the nooks and crannies of my mind. In the midst of them all, I was there as the center of attention, in all my grandeur. For all to see. Yep. I was really something to behold. These days, not so much. As I gathered my thoughts today during my long drive home. I pondered about. “What is my fantasy”? 

I have a fantasy. Mine no longer involves me being anything that others would want to see. No pile of money, no beautiful women at my feet, or singing, flying, etc. My fantasy is a simple conversation. You see. Love happened to me. Unconditional, beautiful, limitless love. I didn’t ask for it. I have even tried to deny it, run from it, ignore it, etc. Yet, it remains. Real love does that. It endures. Turning all of my fantasies into just one fantasy. Just words. When I am alone in my truck, I have practiced this conversation over and over. I know when to smile, I know when to look away. I just know the words. I verbally speak them as if they matter. As if she can hear them. But, she does not. Never will I guess. 

This conversation is sometimes by phone, email even. But most of the time it is in Atlanta, at an outdoor cafe in the heart of Little Five Points. It’s a beautiful day out. The sun is hitting us. We talk for hours. We stare into one another’s eyes. Oh those eyes. I got lost in them so easily. It’s as if her visage is an addiction. I cannot get enough. She is perfect. The perfect human. 

I have wanted this moment so badly, now it is here. It’s my fantasy of course. So, I get to choose both of our words. She asks, “Do you ever think of me”? I hesitate, smile and say. You must not read my articles. I wake up in the morning thinking of you, all day long you are there, I sleep with your memory every night. Of course she has realized the love she lost and wraps her arms around me, crying. We just hold one another for what seems like forever. For that moment the world doesn’t exist. Only us as we begin healing. A bond that will never break again. 

Hope is a funny thing. It can be good or bad, but it is always funny. Because of love, I have but one fantasy now. I hold little if any hope I will fulfill this fantasy. But just like the man that spends his paycheck every Friday on lottery tickets. I stand with my emotional dollars at the counter. Hope is funny. But can be sad as well. Yes. I have a fantasy. I wish it was to fly. You see I have never actually flown before. But I know what it is like to live that fantasy in the past. Those eyes are the world I desire. My fantasy was real life. Now, reduced to the odds that I will wake up tomorrow able to sing. Just so remote. 

So, i post this fantasy on the internet. It’s like a digital, message in a bottle. They just don’t get to the one they are meant to see it. But. I write for myself. It helps me put life where it belongs. My fantasy has value. The others are just stuff. Love has power. The power to weed out the trappings of a society of users, and make a man like me remember what is really important. 

k@kstepp.com

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